I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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