Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
