My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
