I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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