He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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