know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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