Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
