Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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