I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
