Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i've created a new STD.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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