It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
