it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
