We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
