I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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