if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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