Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
