sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
