1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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