ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
