He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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