I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
