I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
