So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
