Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
