I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
