Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
