I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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