70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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