I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
