Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
