did you get engaged???
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
