Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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