Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
