was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
