no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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