I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
