Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
