I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't turn off my feet"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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