He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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