at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
