If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
