I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Terrible idea I love it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
