After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
