If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
