What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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