Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
