Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
