well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
