Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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