I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
