my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
