Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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