Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
